11 Short Stories

1) He really loved his new corduroy pants. That's probably why he stole them in the first place.

2) Thomas always wondered what it would be like to have Syphilis. One day he found out.

3) All she ever really wanted was to be happy. One day she was.

4) When Millford's cat died he wasn't too upset. After all, he'd already been dead for three years.

5) The deadline came and went without anyone noticing. Three months later the town's Mayor won the prize for the largest pumpkin in Douglas county.

6) He was only 15 when his mom died, but it happened in such a bizarre way that he never really felt that bad about it.

7) "Die, die, die!", he screamed at the game store cashier.

8) She had a poor grasp of the meaning of irony which, given her job as a professor of English, was quite ironic.

9) He took flying lessons for six months before he realized he was always going to need the plane.

10) He used to rant for hours about the tyranny of American Democracy until somebody pointed out that America is a Republic.

11) Once a year, on July 15th, he would call her up drunk in the middle of the night. All he ever did though was talk about the RedSox.